Family is a funny thing, especially when it comes to ‘communication’ issues.  Wouldn’t you think people who live with one another would have some kind of sixth sense about communication?  It never fails to make me shake my head in wonder when I have a seemingly straightforward with one of my own only to find out actual communication never happened.                                                                                                                                        

Selective hearing? 

Image by clarita at http://mrg.bz/gyKDsp

My daughter, who I love dearly by the way, tends to hear one set of instructions.  So if I want her to do something (will I ever learn!?) I need to break it down into bite-sized chunks and/or write it down.  Sometimes, even writing it down is not enough. ::sigh::

I recently sent my daughter to the store for ice cream and chips.  I wrote down the instructions and then carefully went over them.  I wanted a small bag of chips; that she got.  The ice cream is what got her, though. I said I do not want the teeny tiny portion (5 oz) and I do not want a half-gallon.  Using my fingers, I showed her about what size I wanted to have.  All went well up to this point.  Head is nodding; message understood.

Then momma made a mistake.  I said, “I want you to keep it as cheap as possible as well.”  Did that negate the size factor?  Yes, it did.  She came in after her trip to the store and handed me one of the teeny tiny portions of ice cream. (Not enough for a good bite!)  After brief, um, ‘discussion’, it turned out that she heard cheap, blah, blah, blah.

If that wasn’t enough for one of those ‘shaking the head’ moments, she proceeds to pull out a container of ice cream she bought for herself – the size I wanted!  Unfortunately, it was a different kind, but still!  Why would I send her to the store with my money to buy me a cheap portion of something and herself a larger one?  Sadly, this is the story of my life.  She hones in on one thing and the rest is just Mom idly flapping her gums.

Mind-reading – on the defensive?  

Then the other day, after watching her hunched over her cell phone when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on the kids, I asked, “Who is he?”  You would have thought I asked to see her internal organs or something judging by her reaction.  “I always have to defend myself” and “I’ll just never have any friends” are two of the phrases that came out of her mouth.  Defensive much?  Will she ever learn that the instant attitude gives ol’ Mom a huge clue?

So in the space of a portion of a second, she read my mind.  I said, “Who is he?” but my mind must have said something like, “What in the world are you talking to that boy for – you’re never going to learn.”

Common to Mankind?

I apologize to my daughter (24 btw) for using her for an example here, but she provides such great fodder.  We all have a tendency to do this, especially in families.  We have remembered ‘slights’ or other things that filter our reactions (and our ability to actually listen) to others in our family.  No wonder families sometimes have drama and communication issues.

So what experiences have you had with family member communication?  We all have them.  We’ve all done it.  I bet a few of my readers can top my stories, so feel free to share.