As I placed the bath mat back on the side of the tub this morning, I was thinking of how many little things (and some big) that I do because it makes my spouse happy to have it so, even though I could care less.  That led to wondering if he even noticed these things.  He certainly used to notice when I did not do them.




As often happens when I start thinking about things like this, a word whispered in my ear [those that have ears to hear let them hear] says, “And what about you?  Do you notice the things he does for you?”  Gulp, you mean it works both ways?  I like to think that whisperer would have said, “Darn tootin!”  (Sorry if that’s too old a phrase for some.)




Ok, my husband does tons of things just for me that I often don’t let him know I appreciate.  In fact, I probably have no idea how many he does – I just take them for granted.  {Note to self:  Start saying thank you.}  And of course, once that arrow of “you do it to” hits my heart, I have to start thinking about the human condition.


We all do it.


I think this goes back to our tendency to minimize our own behaviors and maximize others.  How often do we notice when something is not done, but take for granted the things that are done?  When is it enough?  Do we expect perfection out of our mate (or anyone else in our life) while expecting him/her to accept our flaws?  Do we go into martyr mode and tell ourselves:  “Look what I do for him/her and he/she just doesn’t appreciate me!”


Martyr mode?


While we all like to throw pity parties now and then, a life of sequential pity parties makes us someone no one wants to be around.  We all know them, and we all want to scream, “Get over it!” in their face.  So, the question here is, do I do things for others and then become the martyr when I don’t feel appreciated enough?  ::sigh; flour thrown on face; back of hand to forehead::


Happy New Year!


The good news is that awareness goes a long way toward helping us make changes.  As a resolution for the new year, how does this sound:  I will seek to notice and appreciate (in word or deed) something the other people do for me simply because they want to please me; I will do things for others that pleases them (use common sense here) and not go into martyr mode when I don’t feel appreciated for it.


After all, it does work both ways and your spouse/other probably feels the same way at times.


What are some things you do for your spouse or others just to please them? 

Do you often feel unappreciated? 

Do you do it to please them or because you want them to appreciate you? 

What are some ways you can increase awareness of when others are doing things simply to please you? 

Can you let go of the need to be appreciated and do things for others [as unto Christ] just because? 

Are you a chronic pity partier?  . . .

Do you have any advice to add to this topic?