Dishonesty of any kind can break trust and cause a relationship to crash and burn, especially chronic dishonesty.  Dishonesty, while wrong on all levels, runs from the “Oops, I didn’t tell you I’m a serial killer?” to the “Sorry you found out I don’t really like your outfit” at the other end of the spectrum.  When we think of lyers, we tend to think of people at that far end of the spectrum, the one’s for whom dishonesty is a way of life.  However, dishonesty, even small lies, half-truths or omissions can eat away at your relationships.

I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you everything.

This one is probably the most insidious types of dishonesty, because it’s not an outright lie, but is still dishonest.  A person in my life tends to go into ‘the mode’ at times, right before something stupid ensues.  This person doesn’t lie, but leaves out a lot of details for as long as possible.  I know there’s more because I’ve been through the pattern before.  I have learned that when this person goes into this squirrelly mode, there’s more to the story.  This person doesn’t understand why I don’t trust at this time.  I don’t trust because I have been taught through repeated meetings with “the squirrelly one” that someone’s going to get hurt.  In a marriage, what you don’t hear can make a big difference over the long run.  Leaving parts out is usually a precursor to an outright lie and slowly erodes the trust of the one deceived and the character of the one deceiving.

Little white lies

These are those ‘tiny’ lies we tell for various reasons, such as not wanting to get in trouble.  They appear harmless, but they add up.  It’s like a previous illustration:  How many bug parts, rat hairs, pieces of feces, thrips, maggots, etc. does it take before you consider your food unclean?  Little white lies are a sign of a heart problem.

On down the continuum

From there we go on down a continuum.  For some this is a progressive disease that gets worse as they seem to get away with it on a repeat basis.  We can compare this to an addiction, say alcohol for our purposes.  At first you control the drink.  Soon, the drink controls you.  Eventually the drink owns you, leading you to a path of destruction and eventual death.  All sin has the capability of leading a person down this path.

Rather lie when the truth will do better

Once a person gets to this stage (some seem born to it), all trust is gone.  This is someone who cannot have real relationships because he/she cannot tell the truth.  These people are often able to schmooze people temporarily, but eventually someone else finds out and moves on.  I know someone like this, and it breaks my heart.  This person will do and say anything for the next fix.  I love him, but I cannot have him in my life because I cannot trust him.

The bottom feeders at Whopper-ville

Underneath that person is one who is even worse from a human perspective.  This is the serial killer, the brain eating zombie, or the government official who lies for his/her own gain.  These usually wind up in office prison, repeatedly.

The truth about dishonesty

The truth about dishonesty is that it is a form of hiding.  Hiding, especially in a relationship of some kind, is not a good thing.  Only the bricks of honesty, accountability and complete transparency can build a firm foundation for the relationships we enter.  Even our “relationship” with our governing authorities takes a nose-dive in the face of dishonesty, lack of transparency and other forms of trust-breakers.

Shine the light

People who are doing right have no need to hide.  They have no fear of the light for there is nothing to find.  We can determine in our hearts that we will seek to be a person of integrity, a person that keeps his/her life so open and honest that should one run for office, the media and our opponents would not find any mud to sling, even with a magnifying glass.

If your garden has a bug problem, your vegetables and plants will develop holes and have other issues.  If you let loose a few rabbits in your garden, your produce will get bigger holes.  The point is that whether it happens quickly (the rabbits… of Whopper-ville) or slowly (the bugs… of non-disclosure), the garden is in big trouble.  We have to “weed out” control the pests of dishonesty in our lives if we want to trust and be trusted in our relationships.


What about you?  Do you have a dishonesty problem?  Where do you fall on the continuum?  Has dishonesty caused problems in your relationships?  Was it your dishonesty or someone else’s?  Do you tend to compare yourself with others so you can feel better about your own dishonesty?  Or do you compare yourself with God and see yourself as you truly are?  What do you have to say about this subject? The comment box is yours.