Did you know that I like to help people? I have a deep love for others and a desire to see them reach their potential. That’s a good thing, right?
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Right! It is a good thing and comes from learning at the feet of my Mother, many years of following Christ, and some natural inclination. However, like anything else, a gift out of balance becomes a flaw. Our gifts or special abilities, when out of balance, often lead to our greatest weaknesses. I have found this true in every area of my life.
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At one time in my life, I was soooo stupid helpful that I became an enabler — and a TARGET! I didn’t realize that taking on all those ‘helpful’ tasks for others, was keeping them from taking responsibility themselves. I took responsibility for everything! Often people didn’t even have to ask, they just had to hint, and I’d jump right in. Sounds great, but it wasn’t.
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First, people began to use me, or they would just assume “Angie will do it!”. (Reminds me of the Mikey commercial — “Get Angie, she’ll do anything.”) I allowed others to manipulate me because of my desire to help and serve was out of balance.
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I will save this story for another post, but it took a tragedy some major hard knocks to bring me to my senses. In my eagerness to help, I had harmed myself and my family. I had also harmed the people I had helped so assiduously! Now there’s nothing wrong with helping people out when they need it, but it has to remain in balance, or it becomes enabling. Enabling allows someone to not take responsibility for his or her own actions. This is wrong.
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I still have to watch this carefully. I have realized recently that in an attempt to “be all things to all people”, I have allowed my priorities to slip again. I am no longer an enabler, and I don’t take hints at all. If you want something from me, you must ask (and understand if I say no — or not but your problem, not mine). But, I have still allowed my helper gene to cause me to give time tneeded elsewhere to others. Right now I am helping out with my Dad (because I’m the only one who doesn’t have a “job” — it’s REALLY hard to retrain family!); we also get my Mother-in-law frequently, who is 86 and has dementia. I have a husband who often gets neglected while I am busy at these and other tasks.
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Sometimes life happens. I get that. However, I have felt conviction (often from some of your posts Anne Marie Dwyer in particular) about the use of my time. When stressors come into one’s life, such as taking care of an elderly parent, you have to let some other things go. It just isn’t possible to live life as you lived it before. I have tried to do so anyway! INSANE!
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So I have assesed my priorities as I make room in my life for frequent trips south to my Dad’s again. If I don’t show up here or on your blogs as often, this is why. I would love to read them all and pay them forward, but I have neglected other important things to do so. I am aware that, if necessary, some of you will get along just fine without me (ack, what a concept!) but I hope you will forgive me and be patient with me as I seek to gain and maintain balance in my life. This post isn’t really about my internet reading and helping (unasked for by any of you). It’s about me trying to find balance after finding a new load added to my plate. I’ve taken facebook off my phone and stopped trying to keep up with every post of every friend already (I told you I’m an idiot 🙂 ). I’ve declined some volunteer work (church) that I’d really like to do. I have said no to a lot of things I wish I didn’t have to. One step at a time, I am seeking to change my backsliding and find me again.
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What about you? Do you rush to help others while allowing important things to slide? Do you have trouble weeding out the good, so you can focus on the best? Do you take time for yourself amidst your busy schedule? If you want, what are some tips you use to keep your priorities in line? Do you have strengths you’ve allowed to get out of balance and become flaws? Are you eager to help others, even at the expense of your self and family?
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Apr 06, 2012 @ 10:43:49
I would help out the pensioner neighbours some times.
Apr 06, 2012 @ 14:22:53
I’m not sure what you mean by that lol. I can’t help but help others when I can. Balance is the problem. And, um, I must confess, asking for help myself is an issue. Thanks for dropping by, Angie
Apr 06, 2012 @ 11:30:46
You have absolutely hit the nail on the head when you say you are trying to balance your life. There is no question that this is the right path. You have to believe that you are doing the right thing, and it seems from your blog, that you do. I am a helper, but I also know how to be selfish! Balance is not an easy thing to achieve, but keep on trying and you will succeed. All the best.
Apr 06, 2012 @ 14:21:34
Thank you Bettie! Yes, balance is never easy. It’s always a work in progress! I’ve learned how to say no to others when necessary, but haven’t always learned to say no (or yes) to myself. God keeps putting things in my life to remind me to focus on the most important things and quit sweating the other things. Thanks for coming by, Angie
Apr 06, 2012 @ 15:51:49
Have a Happy Easter, Angie with a touch of extra fun too, of course!
Apr 06, 2012 @ 15:54:12
Thank you Deb! I’ll have to show the pic to my gks. You have a great one too 🙂
Apr 06, 2012 @ 17:55:32
Been there, done that, and wore out the T-shirt Angela 🙂
I now have no problem saying, ‘No.” You’ll find the balance as you go forward knowing that is what you need.
All the best 🙂
Elizabeth
Apr 06, 2012 @ 22:33:56
Lol! Thanks Elizabeth 🙂
Apr 07, 2012 @ 06:11:21
I have a hard time saying no when it is something that I really believe in. In ministry, opportunities come up that are exactly what we are trying to do, but I also have a family, so balance is important. I don’t want to neglect my family. I think it comes down to a lifestyle balance. I have given up trying to make each day balance, but over the course of the year it should balance. All that to say, take care of your dad. When you blog, I will still read it.
Apr 07, 2012 @ 21:54:15
Thanks Derek 🙂 It’s especially hard when you are in ministry. My parents thought if they did the work, God would take care of the family. We were definately neglected at times. Balance is even more important when we’re trying to serve God. Some would quote the “leave father, mother,…”, but I think that’s a misuse of that quote. So balance it is lol. Take care of your family and have an awesome Easter Day! Angie
Apr 07, 2012 @ 22:06:12
That is a misuse of that quote, yes. I will have to use that for a Sunday post. Thanks- We will have a great day. I will have more to write about I am sure.
Apr 11, 2012 @ 08:52:10
Truly enjoyable Angie. This kind of reminded me of one of my previous posts. I tend to be the worlds worst enabler. I have a focus problem and it is very easy to get side-tracked. In my College Skills class they have taught us to group issues into 4 categories: Urgent and necessary(usually caused by procrastination), Urgent but not necessary(usually someone needing your help), Not urgent but necessary(daily things like work, family, etc.), Not urgent and not necessary( TV, games, BLOGGING, etc.) The goal is to try to live your life in the third quadrant.This is where you tend to find happiness and less stress. That’s my psychology lesson for today. Keep up the good work. God Bless, Grant
Apr 11, 2012 @ 10:10:09
Grant, thank you for the psychology lesson. I had never heard it quite that way before. However, I take exception to placing BLOGGING in the final quadrant. How could I live without it? Lol. I hear you though, I am seeking balance since some of those other quadrants have pulled my time at the moment. ;]