In the last post, I gave you a story about some deadly criticism in my own life. To talk about what she did wrong, let’s go back to what she didn’t do.
1. She did not give specifics as to the exact nature of the problem.
2. She picked out two wrongs and harped on them at length focused attention on them instead of evaluating the entire performance and giving positive feedback with the negative.
3. Rather than use a professional voice and an evaluation sheet, she yelled in front of my supervising classroom teacher (and the students).
4. Her rant ripped me to shreds instead of building me up. In other words, it did nothing to help me better myself.
5. Her rant was all about her really, and not about me or my overall performance at all.
Escaping Criticism (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
So taking the above, how can we make a list of things to help us criticize(critique) well?
1. Always give specifics about the nature of the criticism. A person cannot change something if they don’t fully understand what it is that needs changed. {And yes, I better insert here that the person has the choice of changing or not.}
2. A criticism that picks out one fly in the ointment one or two things without evaluating the whole is criticism that does not help. All of us make errors in judgment and grammar and more at times. Every little mistake does not need harped on criticized.
3. There is no need to use a raised voice, foul language, or humiliation in critiques. This behavior defeats the purpose and cuts off any possibility of the other person really hearing what you’re trying to say. High horse riding Overtones of superiority also fall in this category.
4. “They” say that you need at least 3 positive statements for each negative. I have heard as many as 8 to 1. When you take it upon yourself to criticise, evaluate the entire thing. Start with several positive aspects and things done well. Build them up. Then, if you feel you must, point out a couple of things the person could have done better. If possible, provide feedback about HOW they could do it better in the future.
5. It’s not about you. If you feel the need to violate any of these rules of criticism, you have not taken yourself out of the equation. It’s not about you. The sole focus of critique should be on the other person and helping them. It’s not about you. It is not to make you feel better. It is not to let you feel superior to others. It is to help someone improve. It’s not about you.
positive feedback virtuous circle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
While the criticism in the story was a professional criticism. Criticism happens in almost every relationship we have. It most certainly happens in marriages and families. It can destroy others, and is not to be used lightly!
Questions for thought:
Do you have a critical tongue? Do you follow the rules of proper criticism or do you follow the way of my college supervisor? Think about a time when someone else’s criticism has hurt you in some way; is this what you want others to feel when you help them? Criticism has it’s place, but it must be used sparingly and carefully. Do you agree or disagree? How will you change your own method of criticism if needed?
Related articles
- Giving Constructive Criticism (dodgingcommas.wordpress.com)
- chroniclesofharriet: a critic critiques criticism critically (blkcowrie.wordpress.com)
- Why we think criticism is more effective than praise… and why we’re wrong! (positivesharing.com)
- Be constructive with criticism (nitpickersnook.com)
Apr 24, 2012 @ 08:18:56
This is a fabulous post. I’ve also learned the hard way with criticism as a result by and large I follow the rules you’ve outlined here. I don’t like confrontation and criticism that is teamed with confrontation is not helpful to anyone. Being able to both give and receive criticism is a bit of an art that takes practice and respect. I know a few people who would do well to read this post 😉
Apr 26, 2012 @ 00:41:13
Yes it does take practice and respect, and it is a hard line to walk sometimes. I often let things go unless I feel to do so would be to dishonor myself or my belief system. This lady had lots of issues, so confronting her would do no good. In this case, I had to learn how to evaluate the criticism and accept that her behavior (and opinions) had nothing to do with who I was as a person or a teacher. Hard lesson, but well learned. These experiences teach us how NOT to criticise others. 🙂 Angie
Apr 25, 2012 @ 23:23:11
This was an awesome post. I would add to this as well. My struggles in this area (I don’t think) had less to do with a feeling of superiority (although, it probably enters in) as it did patience. Of course, as you said, this has everything to do with me as opposed to the other person. If you are in the position of critiquing someone, it’s probably because you are supposed to be TEACHING them. To teach someone requires patience and understanding. If you can’t stop long enough and care deep enough about your student, then you have no business teaching them or trying to guide them. As you so beautifully brought out (so sorry this happened to you), you end up doing way more damage than good. Thank you so much for sharing this. 😀
Apr 26, 2012 @ 00:46:19
Thank you for sharing. I learned a lot about what not to do from this person. Teaching does require patience and a willingness to truly teach. There was definately some “superiority” issues here, and I knew that and chose to teach in her sphere anyway – bad choice. I think this and other incidents in my life have taught me to evaluate myself fairly in the face of criticism. I think this incident could also be filed under ‘misunderstandings’ both ways. Thanks for coming by 🙂 Angie
Handling Criticism — Learning to Critique « Writing with both sides of my brain
Jun 06, 2012 @ 11:44:13