Um, “Happy” Mother’s Day–Part II

An Eastern Grey Kangaroo (Macropus giganteus) joey feeds (suckles from inside its mother’s pouch) as the mother shows her affection. This family were located in Murramarang National Park on the southern coast of NSW (New South Wales), Australia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my previous post, I talked about why I struggled with Mother’s Day.  It was actually quite cathartic to write and helped me shift my attitude.  The struggle with not feeling good enough is not the only struggle that makes Mother’s Day painful.  There are other women out there who struggle with the celebration of mothers.  Knowing this information, even if you are a male, is helpful because it can help you develop an awareness and empathy for those who might be carrying a load of pain on this day.

Deutsch: Mutter Teresa (26.8.1919-5.9.1997); 1986 bei einer Pro-life-Kundgebung auf dem Bonner Münsterplatz English: Mother Teresa of Calcutta (26.8.1919-5.9.1997); at a pro-life meeting in 1986 in Bonn, Germany (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  The woman who cannot have children.  Infertile couples struggle so hard because they want children, but are unable to conceive.  Many of them spend thousands of dollars, visit multiple doctors, do anything they can to become pregnant, often to no avail.  Even if they conceive, there is the danger of miscarriage.  Many women dream of the children they will have, and to be denied this dream is heartbreaking at the least.  These women may try surrogacy (more $$$) or adoption (more $$$).

2.  The woman without a mate.  In today’s society, this may be moot, but there are still women out there who do not have someone to have children with.  Some may opt to adopt or use donor sperm to have the children they want.  Many remain childless, however.  While not advocating the homosexual lifestyle in any way, I have to point out that they often have the same struggles.  Even if we don’t agree that their lifestyle choice is viable in God’s eyes, they are still people (sinners like the rest of us) who struggle with the same issues.

3.  The woman who has poured her mothering into other people’s children.  This woman may be “Mom” to many people.  She may provide foster care or just give herself to those in need of a little mothering.  She may or may not have acknowledgement of her gift on Mother’s Day.  Giving birth does not make one a good mother.  So remember those women who have mothered you in some way, be they aunts, grandmothers, family friends, or just a great person who took the time to invest in your life.

4.  The grieving mother.  Many mothers have lost children.  Whether it was through miscarriage of the child they never got to meet, or even the loss of an adult child, these mothers hurt deeply in a way others couldn’t begin to understand.  Mother’s Day for them is often bitter sweet as they remember the child(ren) and feel the emptiness of their arms.  Even women who have other, living children, will still grieve over the deceased one and feel the pain of remembering the loss.

5.  The grieving “child”.  Other people who may find Mother’s Day bittersweet are those who have lost their mother.  My Mom has been gone for 7 years, and Mother’s Day is a time to remember and honor her, tears a given.  Losing a mother to death grieves, but what about the child who loses a mother to drugs, incompetence, apathy, or any of the other reasons why a child would not have the mother in their life or not have a mother they can honor on this day.

Sculpture by Ursula Malbin in the Haifa Sculpture Garden “Vista Of Peace” (“Mizpor Shalom”), depicting a boy in his mother’s arms. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point of all this?  Every holiday, celebration, day brings mixed feelings to those who have loss in their life.  We should not stop celebrating, but we should have an awareness of those who may hurt on this day.  I have to say that churches often rub it in the faces of those who struggle when they have celebrations that include contests like ‘oldest mom’, ‘mom with most children’, etc.  Someone in that congregation is going to be sitting in her pew, silently grieving, and possibly saying ‘why me’ or ‘when is it my turn?”  While this struggle is theirs, and we can’t spend all our time worrying about their issues, we can be sensitive, pray for them, and maybe give them a hug to let them know someone knows about their internal struggle.  In the end, the issue is between them and God, but God still expects us to comfort the hurting.

Don’t forget that men struggle with all these things too.  We and our churches need to acknowledge and be aware of the hurts people carry around and bring into the pews.  After all, the church family is there, in part at least, to comfort one another.

Are you hurting as this day approaches?  Do you know someone who is?  What can you do to help one person who hurts this Mother’s Day?  Who can you acknowledge that has contributed “mothering” to your life or the life of your children?  Can you think of others who might have issues with Mother’s Day?  Does your church acknowledge those non-traditional moms?  Do you recognize that your own mother may have insecurities only you can ease?

Father, I lift up those who struggle with pain and grief during this time.  Send your comfort to them and help them recognize that you feel and understand their pain, grieving with them.  Wrap them in your compassion, and help them move through the grieving process to find healing in You.  Help the rest of us to step outside of ourselves and see the hurting around us.  Give us discernment so that we may not cause more pain through thoughtlessness.  Thank you for mothers and those who mother. In Jesus Name, Amen.

{Disclaimer:  I am not advocating a PC environment where no one is hurt.  I am advocating sensitivity to the needs of others.}

A beautiful power point on Mothers via Freedomborn…. http://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/a-mothers-love/

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• After Years of Being Forced to Celebrate Without a Mom, I Loathe Mother’s Day (blogher.com)
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