
An Eastern Grey Kangaroo (Macropus giganteus) joey feeds (suckles from inside its mother’s pouch) as the mother shows her affection. This family were located in Murramarang National Park on the southern coast of NSW (New South Wales), Australia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
In my previous post, I talked about why I struggled with Mother’s Day. It was actually quite cathartic to write and helped me shift my attitude. The struggle with not feeling good enough is not the only struggle that makes Mother’s Day painful. There are other women out there who struggle with the celebration of mothers. Knowing this information, even if you are a male, is helpful because it can help you develop an awareness and empathy for those who might be carrying a load of pain on this day.

Deutsch: Mutter Teresa (26.8.1919-5.9.1997); 1986 bei einer Pro-life-Kundgebung auf dem Bonner Münsterplatz English: Mother Teresa of Calcutta (26.8.1919-5.9.1997); at a pro-life meeting in 1986 in Bonn, Germany (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
1. The woman who cannot have children. Infertile couples struggle so hard because they want children, but are unable to conceive. Many of them spend thousands of dollars, visit multiple doctors, do anything they can to become pregnant, often to no avail. Even if they conceive, there is the danger of miscarriage. Many women dream of the children they will have, and to be denied this dream is heartbreaking at the least. These women may try surrogacy (more $$$) or adoption (more $$$).
2. The woman without a mate. In today’s society, this may be moot, but there are still women out there who do not have someone to have children with. Some may opt to adopt or use donor sperm to have the children they want. Many remain childless, however. While not advocating the homosexual lifestyle in any way, I have to point out that they often have the same struggles. Even if we don’t agree that their lifestyle choice is viable in God’s eyes, they are still people (sinners like the rest of us) who struggle with the same issues.
3. The woman who has poured her mothering into other people’s children. This woman may be “Mom” to many people. She may provide foster care or just give herself to those in need of a little mothering. She may or may not have acknowledgement of her gift on Mother’s Day. Giving birth does not make one a good mother. So remember those women who have mothered you in some way, be they aunts, grandmothers, family friends, or just a great person who took the time to invest in your life.
4. The grieving mother. Many mothers have lost children. Whether it was through miscarriage of the child they never got to meet, or even the loss of an adult child, these mothers hurt deeply in a way others couldn’t begin to understand. Mother’s Day for them is often bitter sweet as they remember the child(ren) and feel the emptiness of their arms. Even women who have other, living children, will still grieve over the deceased one and feel the pain of remembering the loss.
5. The grieving “child”. Other people who may find Mother’s Day bittersweet are those who have lost their mother. My Mom has been gone for 7 years, and Mother’s Day is a time to remember and honor her, tears a given. Losing a mother to death grieves, but what about the child who loses a mother to drugs, incompetence, apathy, or any of the other reasons why a child would not have the mother in their life or not have a mother they can honor on this day.

Sculpture by Ursula Malbin in the Haifa Sculpture Garden “Vista Of Peace” (“Mizpor Shalom”), depicting a boy in his mother’s arms. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The point of all this? Every holiday, celebration, day brings mixed feelings to those who have loss in their life. We should not stop celebrating, but we should have an awareness of those who may hurt on this day. I have to say that churches often rub it in the faces of those who struggle when they have celebrations that include contests like ‘oldest mom’, ‘mom with most children’, etc. Someone in that congregation is going to be sitting in her pew, silently grieving, and possibly saying ‘why me’ or ‘when is it my turn?” While this struggle is theirs, and we can’t spend all our time worrying about their issues, we can be sensitive, pray for them, and maybe give them a hug to let them know someone knows about their internal struggle. In the end, the issue is between them and God, but God still expects us to comfort the hurting.
Don’t forget that men struggle with all these things too. We and our churches need to acknowledge and be aware of the hurts people carry around and bring into the pews. After all, the church family is there, in part at least, to comfort one another.
Are you hurting as this day approaches? Do you know someone who is? What can you do to help one person who hurts this Mother’s Day? Who can you acknowledge that has contributed “mothering” to your life or the life of your children? Can you think of others who might have issues with Mother’s Day? Does your church acknowledge those non-traditional moms? Do you recognize that your own mother may have insecurities only you can ease?
Father, I lift up those who struggle with pain and grief during this time. Send your comfort to them and help them recognize that you feel and understand their pain, grieving with them. Wrap them in your compassion, and help them move through the grieving process to find healing in You. Help the rest of us to step outside of ourselves and see the hurting around us. Give us discernment so that we may not cause more pain through thoughtlessness. Thank you for mothers and those who mother. In Jesus Name, Amen.
{Disclaimer: I am not advocating a PC environment where no one is hurt. I am advocating sensitivity to the needs of others.}
A beautiful power point on Mothers via Freedomborn…. http://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/a-mothers-love/
Related articles
- Um, “Happy” Mother’s Day (doyoumeanwhatiknow.wordpress.com)
- An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day} (messymiddle.com) (This is an excellent post!)
- Bereaved Parent Support – Mother’s Day part I (bereavedparentsupport.wordpress.com)
- After Years of Being Forced to Celebrate Without a Mom, I Loathe Mother’s Day (blogher.com)
- This Mother’s Day, Think of Military Families (battleland.blogs.time.com)
- Happy Mother’s Day? (gbeardcavell.wordpress.com)
- Soon… Mother’s Day Will Be Here (grannyscolorful.wordpress.com)
- Mother’s Day is Dad’s Day too! (aloma2day.wordpress.com)
- Mother’s Day for All (ourpoetrycorner.wordpress.com)
- Mothers’ Day Teaching (ryangear.com)
May 12, 2012 @ 14:02:46
Hi Angie, thank you for the pingback and for your gift of Love in remembering all those who have empty arms on Mothers Day. I remember after having lost 7 babies 3 still born girls and the others 4-5 mths gestation and then marrying Ron and wanting very much to have a child with him but after trying everything and not being able to conceive, and then as a new Christian hearing that Children were a gift from God, I called out to Him ….. where is my gift…. He answered me very clearly in my heart, I have a very special gift for you and yes I see it blossoming even now.
I also have much Joy in my heart having cared for and Loved other peoples Children and I continue to do so, some still call me Aunty Anne or Granny Annie and they are now married with Children of their own.
I understand what your referring to Angie and agree it can be that way but I have Loved Mothers Day at our Churches, they give all Mothers including me a small token of thankfulness, perhaps a flower or chocolates and I sit back and watch the Mums as their Children sing or say a poem and see their pride and joy. Sometimes when I’m shopping it gives me pleasure just watch the Love that Mothers express to their Children, in between the Do not touch, leave that alone and no you can’t have that!
I have shared with Children in School how much God Loves them for over 15 years as an R.E Teacher and have often taught Sunday School, organised and run Play groups and Crèches and both Ron and I have cared for Children over many years in an Organization called Aunties and Uncles and we have catered for and helped at Children’s Camps. I have also run Funday Schools for Children in my Neighbourhood and have enjoyed having many Children over the years come and visit me and some even want to sleep over … yes I have much to give thanks for.
And thank you again for the pingback Angie, it’s a gift I treasure because it comes from a heart of Compassion and Love.
Christian Love Anne.
May 12, 2012 @ 20:08:57
I think sometimes God doesn’t provide blood children because He wants that particular person to share that mother love with others who need it. He has certainly used your circumstances to give you a unique ministry to children and to those who have suffered similar losses. I love the MD celebrations too, but I know there are those who hurt. I myself have hurt in the past because of my self-guilting and because my sons are servers, so always work on Mother’s Day. That’s alright though. Mother’s Day is just one day and doesn’t enhance or negate my mothering. I’ve always had quite a few children in my life as well.
God also reminded me I prayed (and prayed hard) for my children. I always asked (ask) Him to meet their needs (knowing I couldn’t possibly meet them all) and to let me know if they were doing something I needed to know about (along with other things like -saved, sold out, future spouse….). Once my oldest son, jumped out of the car (at a light) and screamed at me “Stop praying for me!” before storming off. He he 🙂 You know you must be doing something right if your child is screaming at you to stop praying lol. We have a few stories about catching them in things ‘by accident’ because God had us in the right place at the right time.
Ok, got distracted there for a minute lol. You’re welcome for the ping back and thank you for yours!!! Everyone needs a person to love them and pray for them, whether it is from a birth mom, an adopted mom, or an “adopted” mom. I’m so glad you have been able to be that influence in the lives of many young people. God bless and Happy Mother’s Day!
May 13, 2012 @ 05:26:15
Would you like to Adopt me Angie ? I’m potty trained most of the time. 😦
Happy Mothers Day Mom, just in case you said yes ! 😀
May 13, 2012 @ 07:49:40
HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I tend to adopt anyone who wants in lol. I always tell my SS kids that once I”ve taught them – they are MINE! Meaning I will be praying for them and loving them the rest of my life. That list is getting huge lol. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!!!! Now go and behave yourself!!!
May 12, 2012 @ 22:38:33
There is a lot here to think about, but you articulated what is on your heart very well. Happy Mother’s Day. It sounds like you did well and I am sure your children appreciate you.
May 13, 2012 @ 07:50:49
Thank you very much, Derek. I hope you and your family enjoy the day! Angie
May 13, 2012 @ 00:56:52
Happy Mother’s Day, Angie.
Red.
May 13, 2012 @ 07:51:19
Thank you! And a Happy Mother’s Day to you as well 🙂
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY « Vine and Branch World Ministries
May 13, 2012 @ 02:23:05
May 15, 2012 @ 11:15:08
That’s all quite true, and something many of us don’t think about.
May 15, 2012 @ 12:32:10
Thanks for stopping by Binky 🙂
May 15, 2012 @ 13:42:33
I hope you had a nice Mother’s Day, Angie. I’m sure your Mom gave you extra hugs, even though she’s not physically here with you anymore. Wishing you only good things.
May 17, 2012 @ 22:03:59
A wonderful article Angela. My mother in law couldn’t have children and it just broke her heart. She adopted my husband and poured such live into him. She’s also been a school teacher for over 30 years and can still tell you about each and every one of the kids she has ever taught. Many of them have come back and demanded that their kids be placed in her classroom 🙂
And I’m with you on we in the church not being sensitive to the hurting among us. We are blind to so many in pain. But along with that is the sad truth that many will not share their pain with the church because they think everyone else is doing so well and they don’t want to look like spiritual failures. How sad.
Again, a great article. 🙂
Jun 12, 2012 @ 22:31:34
That’s. So true we give the I’m fine response instead of the honest one. It’s ok to be not ok — that’s human, even for Christians.
May 17, 2012 @ 22:05:26
PS, My brother once asked my sister to tell me to stop praying for him because everytime I did he got caught by the law 🙂 He was a drug addict and thief.
Jun 12, 2012 @ 22:33:12
Hehe. People think I’m crazy sometimes when I laugh at their troubles. I know it means God is working 🙂