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It’s Random Time!

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Today I want to take a leaf from Derek Mansker’s Lego Jar posts.   It’s random time!  My 4 and 2 yo grandchildren were here for a week recently.    The older one (boy) had the green-eyed monster taking over all week.  You see, he has a fractured clavicle, and had to sleep in another bed and not with Grandma and Marilyn.  He was so not happy.  So all week if she hugged, he hugged; if she wanted something, he wanted it.  What a week it was!!!  We all survived though.

 

Today was go home day.  Grandson has decided his family needs to move here and become my neighbors.  Then he could come and see me every day like he does my dad right now.  At lunch, he spent about 15 minutes making a very detailed map.  As we headed toward the meeting place to give them back to the parents, he was peering closely at his map.  I went a different way to the interstate, and he said, “Grandma, you’re going the wrong way.  You have to go that way (pointing).  I explained the different route.  He kept looking at the map all the way and pointing out when we reached certain places.  He’d say something like, “Yup, that’s it.  You gotta go this way to get to my house, Grandma.”  If you can make anything out of this map, let me know.  It looks like a mess to me, but he was very serious about following it.  I hope he’ll be that serious about following God’s map for his life!

 

Marilyn (2) didn’t want to go home today.  She kept taking my face and saying, “You MY gramma!” before kissing me.  So sweet!  Wouldn’t it be great if we loved God so much that we grabbed ahold of Him and said, “You MY God!” on a regular basis?  We’re always wanting a blessing from Him, but how often do we seek to bless Him?

 

Last week, when we went down to pick up the kids (and work on Son’s trailer), Marilyn kept trying to sneak off with a honey packet my Dad had on his tray.  She finally stomped her foot and said, “It’s fo my mouth!”   She didn’t get it, but that was so hard to resist!  Do we long for the temporary “sweetness” of sin?

 

When we arrived to pick them up, I was met at the van by the two youngest.  Roland was jumping around and excited for about 10 feet.  Then he suddenly remembered his fractured clavicle.  He stopped, bent the hurt shoulder down and put his hand on it, moaned, and walked like that the rest of the way.  Hmmm.   All week he would suddenly remember his injury when it was convenient.  Do we have ‘convenient’ injuries we use as an excuse not to do something for God or others?

 

I have no doubt that my youngest granddaughter is the smartest of the 4.  Why?  She’s very good at flying under the radar.  When Marilyn gets quiet, it’s time to PANIC!  You can be certain she’s doing something she’s not supposed to do.  The picture shows one incidence that happened this week.

 

She took the inside out of a marker.  Fortunately, soaking in soapy water returned all but under her nails to the right color.  Grandma had a few blue spots though.  What do we do when we think no one is looking?  Do we think it’s ok to do what we want as long as we don’t get caught?

 

Welcome to a glimpse into my world!

It starts with words, but it doesn’t end there

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“Well done is better than well said.”

 “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Talk is cheap.”

~*~*~

However you say it,

words without action mean nothing;

intentions without follow through mean nothing;

promises without promise keepers mean nothing.

Words are easy; actions are hard.

Say it — Do it — Be it!

~*~*~

Communication begins with words.

It does not end there.

Communication with only words seldom communicates anything,

especially if the words do not match the actions.

At least, it seldom communicates what the speaker hoped.

~*~*~

When we stand behind our words:

Others hear that we mean what we say.

Others hear that we have integrity.

Others hear that this person is trustworthy.

Others hear the intent of the heart,

because it has not been divorced from right action.

~*~*~

God wants us to stand behind our words to Him.

He always stands beside His to us.

Don’t say, “I love You.” when you don’t obey.

Don’t say, “I love Your Word.” when you don’t read it.

Don’t say, “I love Your people.”  when you don’t show compassion.

Don’t say, “I trust You.” when you continue to doubt.

~*~*~

Words

Words (Photo credit: sirwiseowl)

The words you speak my reflect what is in your heart,   But the actions you take prove what is in your heart.

But I need you!

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Tonight, I sit here just resting from the quiet and the stress of the week with my #2 granddaughter.  I get a few days off before I get my grandson, so I will be working on VBS and writing, writing, writing.  This week I did not get any writing done at all.  I did more the week I had the Mother-in-law and the #1 granddaughter at the same time.   I adore my #2 (my Rissa Roo).  She is, however, extremely needy.  She is #2 of 4, and often gets the short end of the stick.  Since the advent of her 2 yo sister, she has taken up baby talk.  This is one of many annoying habits, but it is one that compares to Chinese water torture nails on a chalk board.

I have tried many tactics to eliminate this habit (at least around me), but to no avail.  We did make progress this week, but it got to the point where I had to turn away from her and tell her she could choose to talk baby talk somewhere else or choose to play with Grandma.  The point was to show her that her choices are her choices – a habit if you will – and she has the ability, at 8, to make better ones.  We had a few hour long sessions with tears and more, but in the end, she was doing much better.  The thing is that this child is so needy.  She is also bossy.  Along with that and some other quirks she has picked up as a bid to get attention (unconsciously), something has gone wrong.

So what? you may say.  The point here is that the child is desperate for attention.  However, the things she does to get attention work against her bringing negative attention instead of good attention.  Of course, all children will choose negative attention over no attention.  In my little Rissa Roo’s case, I have to worry about her because the attention getting behaviors are so bad and so hard to take, even for her grandma who adores her!  I want to help her learn how to 1) entertain herself, 2) accept that she doesn’t need attention 24/7 (it’s never enough) and 3) learn that the negative behaviors are choices that do not work, and so teach her better choices.  She also talks a blue streak and needs to learn that it’s ok to be quiet sometimes, but that’s another story and may have help from her ADHD. 😀

Horizontal communication, that between us and others cannot happen in this kind of environment.  It may take an 8 year old a while to understand, but I know adults who have this issue as well.  They are overly needy and seek to have that need filled in ways that push others away instead of drawing them.  Sometimes, these behaviors are habits, learned early and left over from childhood.  Some of us outgrow these behaviors as we grow.  Others, either because they do not see them or because they don’t know any better, continue in behaviors that effectively cut off their ability to truly communicate with others and thus get their attention needs met.

Vertical communication, that between us and God, can look like this at times too.  We may not see it as ‘attention getting behavior’ (and neither does the child or the adult in the above paragraphs) but it works the same.  Let’s say God does something for you.  You say thank you (sometimes), but not much time lapses before you want something else.  Some people get upset if God doesn’t do what they want in the time they want, forgetting all that God has already done for them.  It’s like God has to prove His love over, and over, and over, and over.  Jesus death on the cross is proof enough, and if we get nothing else, it’s more than we deserve.  Yet we can act like a young child who loves mommy when she’s happy, but tells mommy she’s a ‘bad’ mommy when angry.

The Israelites displayed this behavior, and I believe God used their stories to show us how we do this too–so no judging allowed.  God would do miraculous things for them and as soon as life got a little tough, they would turn away from Him or whine because they are unhappy with the now.  They forgot the big things God did!  We may wonder how they could march across a sea/river on dry land, among other miracles, and ever gripe to God again, but they did.  And so do we if we do not watch out.  I sometimes wonder if it breaks God’s heart as much as it breaks this Grandma’s to see a child hurting and doing all the wrong things to deal with it.  I’m sure this is something He sees way more than I do:  People looking for love in all the wrong places. . . 😦

Do you have attention getting habits that interfere with your horizontal and vertical communication?  How do you keep a grateful heart, appreciating what you get, while not griping when things don’t go that well?  Anyone have advice for teaching this to an 8 year old?  I’d love to hear what you have to say about this topic.  

BTW–the other kids have wrong behaviors too, but they are just a bit easier to deal with and more amenable to correction.  AND I l♥ve my Rissa Roo no matter what she does or doesn’t do.  😀

Time with Grandma!

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Grandma and her Rissaroo ♥

We’re going light today.  This is week three in the go-to-grandma’s-alone-for-a-week saga.  I love this one-on-one time!  Well, I love it most of the time.  You wouldn’t think it would be so exhausting.

Week 1:  Marilyn, age 2.

Week 2:  Kerstin, age 10

Week 3:  Klarissa, age 8

Week 4:  Roland, age 4

♥♥♥♥♥♥

So far, Klarissa has made >20 necklaces, bracelets or rings.  Most of them are with yarn and straw

Chevron bead and Indian glass bead strings

Chevron bead and Indian glass bead strings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

beads, but still.  If the kids had their way, they would go through every craft item I own in 3 days.  This week, Klar, who is now old enough, is learning how to “create” instead of slapping a paper full of items she likes.  She’s not happy with the concept, but she’s doing well so far.  Grandma is VERY anal about my craft stuff.  She spends hours cutting pictures out of magazines and gathering various other components.  That equates to hours for  a few minutes of joy.  Is it worth it?  You betcha!

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Hello Kitty (TV series)

Hello Kitty (TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today, Klar let me sleep in a bit.  We then made some items with my “real” beads.  Next Fiesta Brava for lunch.  This is the favorite restaurant of all time for both of my oldest grandchildren.  Why?  Who knows, but Gma likes it too, so we’re good.  She chose Fiesta Brava over McDonalds and the play land!!!  Then we took off to shop at Joanne’s Fabrics.  We spent an hour ‘shopping’.  We didn’t buy much and I thought maybe she wasn’t having a good time, but we got in the car and she said, “That was fuuuuuuuun!”   Ok, Grandma, quit assuming and just be!

♥♥♥♥♥♥

We got a Hello Kitty fleece for her “Gma’s house” blanket.  I tried to talk her into something else, because this will be her forever blanket.  She insists she will never stop loving Hello Kitty 😀  She does have some competition with the 2 yo, however.  We also got stuff from the dollar bin to keep her busy for the evening so I can do some things????  We’ll see.  Not looking good so far.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Ok, back to that highlighted phrase up there.   Why do I have so much trouble just being and just letting things be?  I think it’s about people pleasing.  I do like to make people happy, but at times I set myself up because no one can maintain that forever.  I am learning slowly.  I tell the gks that I am not the entertainment committee.  I do plan to do things with them, but I don’t have to be paying attention to them every minute of every day.  This is true even on their alone week.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I want to teach them how to entertain themselves.  I also want to teach them about boundaries.  The red head (Klar) has a habit of coming up to me and

Things the Grandchildren Should Know

Things the Grandchildren Should Know (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

dancing and singing for me without waiting to see if I want to do that at the moment or not.  It doesn’t work out well for her because I am trying to teach her to ask people instead of telling them what to do or what she is going to do.  As I type this, she has not stopped talking to me.  I have not once answered her or even looked up, but she keeps right on going.  She has fixed me food, danced and just talked (her nickname is jabber jaws).  Not sure what that’s all about, but it’s not something that will make her life easier for her in the long run.  She’s much better at entertaining herself than most of her siblings, but she’s also very bossy.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I took a break to get her to find something else to do.  It’s really hard to write with other words pouring over me at the same time as mine are trying to form coherent sentences and ideas.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

My grandchildren are not the only ones who behave this way.  Remember when children were seen and not heard?  That was a long time ago.  Now children seem to often be the center of the world.  A product of the self-esteem movement?   Probably that and more.  It makes me sad, however, because these children are in for a world of hurt when they get into the big bad world and find out it’s not all about them any more.  Then they whine.  Oh yes they do!!!   I don’t want to work those hours (or I don’t want to work at all).  I can’t afford food (as they pull their cell phone out of their pocket….)   TV, Computer, electronics ad nauseum are necessities.    You get the point.  I’m sure you have come across this.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

That’s one reason I try so hard to invest into the lives of my grandchildren (and others).  I want them to learn these lessons now, before it’s too late.  I have a great time with them during their week, but it’s about so much more than that.  This time with them gives me an opportunity to mold them and teach them, as I love them.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I’m sorry if this seems a bit random; it is.  It is me thinking ‘aloud’.  And sometimes, that’s OK.  So back I go to my overarching purpose:  planting seeds into my grandchildren.

What do you think?

Ten ways to love: Keeping promises

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The last of our 10 ways to love series is:   Promise without forgetting.

12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.     Proverbs 13:12

 

Have you ever made a promise and then forgot to fulfil it?  Maybe your intentions were good, but busyness got in the way.  Has anyone ever made you a promise and not kept it?  This reminds me of a post over on M3 by Anne Marie Dwyer called “The thought does not count“.  When it comes to promises, the thought does not count!

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

Sure, son, I’ll take you to the ball game.—–Sorry, son, I had to work overtime—-translation:  I got busy at work and forgot.

I’ll pick up the dry cleaning on my way home from work—–Sorry, I forgot—-translation:  Sorry, I forgot because I was thinking about something else.

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

I’m sure you’ve all been on both sides of the equation.  It’s easy to promise and not so easy to keep the promise.

When someone goes through a certain mood cycle, this person will promise about anything.  The promises made during this time, while well meant, are worthless because follow through is non-existent.  The promises are to convince me to let her have her way.

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

Think teen:

I’ll be home by 10:00; I promise! —  You can trust me; I promise! — I can’t wait because I love you; I promise! . . .

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

When someone makes a promise and then doesn’t do it, it “makes the heart sick.”  I have been there a few times when someone made a promise and then it never materialized.  This is multiplied exponentially when it comes to children.  Since they tend to hear the word “maybe” as, “Sure I promise I’ll do that,” they may need to learn the difference between those kind of ‘promises’ and the real thing.  However, they trust; they think people keep their promises; they are devastated when those promises are not kept.

 

Saying I love you seems simple, but it’s very difficult.  After all,  love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  (I Corinthians 13)

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

So, if you want to show love to another:

Listen without interrupting.

Speak without accusing

Give without sparing

Pray without ceasing.

Answer without arguing.

Share without pretending.

Enjoy without complaint.

Trust without wavering.

Forgive without punishing.  and

Promise without forgetting.

♥x♥x♥x♥x♥

No one loves perfectly outside of God, but how do you hold up?  Have you learned how to truly love?

Ten ways to love: Forgiving without punishment

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This post overlaps the last one a bit, but we will take it down a different path.  Number 9 on our list of ten ways to love  is:

Forgive without punishing.”

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.   Colossians 3:13

 

"Forgiveness 4" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness 4” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Forgiveness is not for the one who hurt you; it is for you.

Forgiveness is not saying “it’s ok”; Forgiveness is saying I choose not to hold it against you.

Forgiveness clears out the icky stuff–the stuff that will lead to bitterness.

 

The real thing about this statement, however, is to forgive without punishment.   This kind of forgiveness is not forgiveness at all.

 

Forgiveness without punishing involves:

forgiveness

forgiveness (Photo credit: cheerfulmonk)

Not holding it against the person.

Not bringing it up every time you get angry (or at all).

Not using passive aggressive digs to make the person suffer for what they did.

Not saying, “I’ll forgive you, but. . . .”

Not holding on to it like a dog with a bone and using it to bash the other person.

 

When God forgives us of our sin, there is no longer any repercussion (eternal) for our sins.  Jesus paid the price and took the punishment.  Now, when God looks at the believer,  He sees His Son and His righteousness.  It is no longer laid to our account.  That’s the way forgiveness should be with us.

 

A few other remarks:

Forgiveness does not require the other person asking for forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not require staying with an abuser or trusting the untrustworthy.

 

Do you forgive without punishing?  Are you a grudge holder?   Have you felt the freedom of true forgiveness — for the self or for others?  Do you have anything to add?

 

Ten Ways to love: Complete trust

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Number 8 on our countdown is:   Trust without wavering.

{Love} 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”     Corinthians 13:7

 

THE HORIZONTAL:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could have absolute, unwavering trust placed in us or placed in another?  Actually, we have that when we’re born.  We have no lack of trust.  We completely, totally, and abidingly trust our parents (and anyone else).  We don’t pop out wondering if our parents will take care of us.  We have to learn not to trust.  How sad is it that it doesn’t take long to learn?  Humans let us down, some on purpose and some just by being humans.  Add in the sin nature and the fact that our brains and perceptions have a few years to grow, and it’s inevitable that we learn to mistrust.

We get hurt; we expect others to hurt us too.  Sadly, we then contribute to mistrust in others.  Someone I know has been hurt by an ex-girlfriend (no, not my husband) and frequently brings it up in his new relationship.  He sabotages the current relationship because of the hurts of the past.  It turns into a vicious cycle.  I know I gave my husband a lot of grief in the early years because I had a trust problem.  My trust issues had nothing whatsoever to do with him, but he paid the price, as did I.

"Forgiveness 3" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness 3” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lack of trust does not show love at all, because real love trusts.  Real love doesn’t hold others responsible for the breach of trust given by others.  Real love FORGIVES.  Forgiveness is not for the person forgiven, it is for the forgiver.  In fact, the only way to keep from becoming a person who can’t trust is to forgive those who hurt us.  It frees us to trust again.  People usually don’t mean to breach your trust, just as you don’t mean to do it to others.  When someone repeatedly breaches your trust, forgiveness does not say “it’s ok.”  Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying with someone who abuses you or continuing to trust someone who can’t be trusted.  What forgiveness says is this:  “I do not have to let you tarnish every other relationship I have.  I can free myself to love and trust.  You will not change who I am!”

Do you allow your hurt to keep you from trusting?

 

THE VERTICAL:

And what about God?  I used the word abidingly above on purpose.  If you look up unwavering in a thesaurus, you will find the word abiding there.

John 15 talks about us abiding in Him.  He is the vine, and to abide in Him, we must remain connected to that vine.  We can’t connect and disconnect, trust and then not trust.  We must remain connected, sucking up the nutrients only the vine can give.  When we abide in Him, we grow.  When we don’t, we wither and die.

This post is well-timed.  I see so many who struggle with trust, and a couple in particular right now.  After all, we all have people in our lives that let us down.  Those who have endured abuse have even more reason not to trust.  God is not human.  How often do we project human failings on Him, though?

We project the sins of the dad on the Father.  We blame Him for evil we bring upon ourselves.  We pout and blame when we don’t get our way.  We allow our trust to waver.

We also look at our own untrustworthy nature.   BUT:  God is, was, and always will be faithfuleven when we are unfaithful.  II Timothy 2:13

"Forgiveness" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

says, “If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.”

Thank you God that you are faithful, even when I am unfaithful.  When I struggle with trust, You hang in there with me and teach me to trust again.  I want to faithfully abide in You, and yet I am human.  Father, I choose trust.  I choose to love like I’ve never been hurt.  I choose to cling to you as the Vine, the Nurturer, the very Life Blood.  Bless your holy Name!

Do you abide in Him?  Do you have trust issues that need resolved?  Can you love like you’ve never been hurt?  Do you have anything to add?

 

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