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The Power of Words

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What if what I wished for was not what I wanted?  — Me

 *****

This post could turn into a liturgy of unanswered prayers to thank God for, followed by a country song to that effect.  However, that’s not what I meant when I thought this thought.  My focus here is on the words we speak.  For example, I used to wish my husband would change an aspect about himself that I didn’t like.  Well, he has changed, but that’s not what I meant.  I wanted him to keep doing things, but I wanted the attitude to change.  I guess I should have been more specific when I prayed about it?

  *****

Just fix it please!

Sometimes we don’t totally think through the things we think we want.  We don’t look at the aftermath, the unintended consequences, or God’s wisdom and timing in His plans for our life.  We don’t even know what we really want, we just throw out a generic “help, change it” because we’re stressed or worried about something in our life.  As we have discovered in the last few years, you can’t just wish for “change”, because it might not be the kind of change you want to have.  In a way, this is a very shallow form of thinking where we look for a way out of the pain of today.

  *****

And fix it now!

Have you ever wanted something, even asked God for it, and then set about making it happen yourself?  I think we all have.  We want it and we want it now.  When we go ahead of God things just don’t turn out like we envisioned them.  God may have wanted that for us too, but the timing was not right.  So we move ahead of God and wind up losing that thing we wanted or realize it’s not what we really wanted at all.  Sometimes we miss the best God has for us because we won’t wait.  We go ahead and finagle answers for ourself.  God says, “Ok, if that’s how you want it…”.  He gave us free will and won’t force us to wait.  But how many more blessings would we receive, how much less pain, if we would only wait on His timing?

  *****

Communication

When we talk to God, to others, or even our selves, it’s important to think through what we say.  We’ve discussed many ways communication can go wrong in this blog, and this is another.  Someone I know (who does this a lot) brought a project over to the house and said, “This is what I’d like to do.”  What she meant is “This is what I’d like YOU to do.”  I make it a policy not to jump in when people don’t specify what they really want (most of the time) because I’ve learned that it enables that other person to make assumptions he or she should not make.  {If you want something from me, come out and ask me.}  Sometimes speaking in generalities works fine, but when we really think we want something, it pays to get specific with yourself, with others, and with God.  This is not for God’s sake; He already knows what we really want.   Awareness of what we really ask for and what that means helps us not to get what we wished (prayed) for when that’s not what we really wanted at all.

 *****

Take It

 ~*~

When a yearning rises up inside

And pulls your heart toward

Just put it in the Master’s hands

And be in one accord.

 ~*~

Those things we want and think we need

Must haves and ‘rescue me’s

Come from a desperately sinful heart

We must seek Him on our knees

 ~*~

And surrender every want and need

to His amazing, well-mapped plan

For He’s the one who knows us best

And has since before time began

~*~

We speak our thoughts and wait

For His blessings in His time

Hands clasped in supplication

as He works His plan sublime

 ~*~

For we know not the future

nor what will cause us pain

So we trust Him to know us better

Our trust won’t be in vain

~*~

Angela Masters Young c 2012

Longing to be Loved

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“Countless women curl up on their couches to watch the same chick flicks over and over, especially the ones in which the hero gives everything to save the girl. Like the one rescued in movies, we want to be desired, fought for — pursued. And we are.  Our Creator and King is pursuing us, but it’s so much better than the movies. He gave up His life and paid a great price to come and rescue us.” – Lynn Cowell in “Longing to be Pursued

 

How about you?  Even men often have that need to have someone want them, really want them and pursue them wholeheartedly.  We all want to be needed, to make a difference in someone’s life, to feel like we matter.  This need is often at the base of so many things we do, including “looking for love in all the wrong places.”  We spend much energy seeking that indefinable thing that lets us know we are special.

 

As the rest of this article points out, we already have someone who pursues us, loves us, thinks we’re special above all others.  This one is Jesus.  He gave His life for us and pursues us to the end, loving us through it all.

 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  (John 3:16)

 

That, my friends, is a lot of love!  Have you ever doubted God’s love for you?  {If you’re human, you must say yes.}  Do you really comprehend; can you wrap your mind around, the kind of love this is?  What kind of God cares so much about a bunch of spoiled brats who seldom appreciate what He has done, is doing, will do for us?  What kind of God allows His beloved Son to go through what He did, just so that we could have a way to Him?

 

Image from Morguefile.comJesus is that white night, that hero that gave His life to protect and restore us.  When you think of yourself as the bride of Christ, try to be the kind of bride that recognizes the value of the Groom and what He did to redeem you.

God’s Mountain Removal Service

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Guess what?   God moves mountains! 

The mythical Mount Olympus in northern Greece....

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now, that is not something new to me.  I have watched Him move immovable mountains all my life.  But to watch it happen in the life of a dear friend who is just learning to trust Him with the impossible bursts my buttons!  I am so proud of my God. I often tell people that He can be trusted with anything, and He can.  However, there’s always that wondering if He will choose to do this thing.  I always know it’s for a higher purpose if He says no, but when helping someone learn to walk by faith, it’s so good when He does something like this.

In this case, the friend had an immovable mountain, impossible by human standards, and God showed her that He had her back all along.  Even though she just received the news that the mountain was gone, it was gone for several days before she could see it.  I have never seen God late.  I have never seen Him fail His people.  I have never seen Him break a promise.  He is faithful, even when we are unfaithful.  GLORY!!!!

Remember that, to God, our mountains are like little pebbles in His hand.  When we look at life from His perspective, we see how little we needed to worry.  We see His mighty hand compared to the tiny bump and realize He’s got it.  We may live on this earth, but we are not constrained by earthly boundaries.  Our Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills, loves us with a deep, abiding, faithful, never-ending love, and has a wonderful plan for our lives.  How awesome is that?

So next time you have an immovable mountain, step back and see that your God is so much bigger than that mountain, that the mountain seems totally insignificant in comparison.  We have the power within us, through the Holy Spirit, to experience wonders beyond our imagination if we will just trust Him and let Him work in us.  I, for one, refuse to live a mediocre life.  I want to live an abundant life for Him.  It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it!!!!

Do you have a mountain that needs moving?  Have you seen God do the impossible before?  What do you think?

Our mountains from His perspective

What’s Your Beam?

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Sins of the tongue probably rate as the worst kinds of sins as far as harm to others goes.  Yet, we sit in our churches with blazing tongues, spreading hurt to all with no qualms.  While I believe homosexuality is a sin because the Bible says it is, I sometimes question the obsession with it that I see among Christians.  It’s like we’ve separated the sins into acceptable and unacceptable categories.  We have our pet sins; those go into the acceptable category.  Then we have the ones that don’t bother us as much; those go into the unacceptable category.

 

Let me tell you no sin is acceptable to God!

 

We are all sinners.  There is none righteous, no not one.  We cannot gloss over some sins and sit in our pews as holier-than-thou whited sepulchres, spewing ungodliness in our judgmentalness.  We ought to do one and not leave the other undone.  We should worry about sin – all sin – our own sin first.

 

The Bible tells us to take the beam out of our own eye first.  Then we will be able to see clearly to help others remove the speck in their eyes.  As long as we have these sins that we cling to and justify and ignore as ‘not so bad’, we will be unable to help others with their sin.  This is the problem when it comes to speaking out against sin.  We do not have the right to do so until we have cleaned up our own back yard.  I am not saying we shouldn’t speak out.  I’m saying we should clean up that beam and then speak out, when we have the right and the ability to help others in the same mess we found ourselves in.

 

We have the answer:  Jesus Christ.  But we besmirch His name when we excuse sin in our own lives while condemning others for theirs.  I have been asking God for over a year to show me the truth about these matters.  He is slowly but surely moving me into His will as He teaches me how to walk with Him and how to know Him as He truly is.  This is a difficult concept for most Christians,  but it is difficult in its very simplicity.  The same is true of salvation.  It is simple, and yet we make it hard.

 

So what beams do you have in your eyes, keeping you from seeing clearly? 

 

In this series, we will talk about the beams we can have and what they look like.  Tune in for more. . . .

 

 

Ten ways to love: Forgiving without punishment

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This post overlaps the last one a bit, but we will take it down a different path.  Number 9 on our list of ten ways to love  is:

Forgive without punishing.”

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.   Colossians 3:13

 

"Forgiveness 4" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness 4” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Forgiveness is not for the one who hurt you; it is for you.

Forgiveness is not saying “it’s ok”; Forgiveness is saying I choose not to hold it against you.

Forgiveness clears out the icky stuff–the stuff that will lead to bitterness.

 

The real thing about this statement, however, is to forgive without punishment.   This kind of forgiveness is not forgiveness at all.

 

Forgiveness without punishing involves:

forgiveness

forgiveness (Photo credit: cheerfulmonk)

Not holding it against the person.

Not bringing it up every time you get angry (or at all).

Not using passive aggressive digs to make the person suffer for what they did.

Not saying, “I’ll forgive you, but. . . .”

Not holding on to it like a dog with a bone and using it to bash the other person.

 

When God forgives us of our sin, there is no longer any repercussion (eternal) for our sins.  Jesus paid the price and took the punishment.  Now, when God looks at the believer,  He sees His Son and His righteousness.  It is no longer laid to our account.  That’s the way forgiveness should be with us.

 

A few other remarks:

Forgiveness does not require the other person asking for forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not require staying with an abuser or trusting the untrustworthy.

 

Do you forgive without punishing?  Are you a grudge holder?   Have you felt the freedom of true forgiveness — for the self or for others?  Do you have anything to add?

 

Ten Ways to love: Complete trust

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Number 8 on our countdown is:   Trust without wavering.

{Love} 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”     Corinthians 13:7

 

THE HORIZONTAL:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could have absolute, unwavering trust placed in us or placed in another?  Actually, we have that when we’re born.  We have no lack of trust.  We completely, totally, and abidingly trust our parents (and anyone else).  We don’t pop out wondering if our parents will take care of us.  We have to learn not to trust.  How sad is it that it doesn’t take long to learn?  Humans let us down, some on purpose and some just by being humans.  Add in the sin nature and the fact that our brains and perceptions have a few years to grow, and it’s inevitable that we learn to mistrust.

We get hurt; we expect others to hurt us too.  Sadly, we then contribute to mistrust in others.  Someone I know has been hurt by an ex-girlfriend (no, not my husband) and frequently brings it up in his new relationship.  He sabotages the current relationship because of the hurts of the past.  It turns into a vicious cycle.  I know I gave my husband a lot of grief in the early years because I had a trust problem.  My trust issues had nothing whatsoever to do with him, but he paid the price, as did I.

"Forgiveness 3" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness 3” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lack of trust does not show love at all, because real love trusts.  Real love doesn’t hold others responsible for the breach of trust given by others.  Real love FORGIVES.  Forgiveness is not for the person forgiven, it is for the forgiver.  In fact, the only way to keep from becoming a person who can’t trust is to forgive those who hurt us.  It frees us to trust again.  People usually don’t mean to breach your trust, just as you don’t mean to do it to others.  When someone repeatedly breaches your trust, forgiveness does not say “it’s ok.”  Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying with someone who abuses you or continuing to trust someone who can’t be trusted.  What forgiveness says is this:  “I do not have to let you tarnish every other relationship I have.  I can free myself to love and trust.  You will not change who I am!”

Do you allow your hurt to keep you from trusting?

 

THE VERTICAL:

And what about God?  I used the word abidingly above on purpose.  If you look up unwavering in a thesaurus, you will find the word abiding there.

John 15 talks about us abiding in Him.  He is the vine, and to abide in Him, we must remain connected to that vine.  We can’t connect and disconnect, trust and then not trust.  We must remain connected, sucking up the nutrients only the vine can give.  When we abide in Him, we grow.  When we don’t, we wither and die.

This post is well-timed.  I see so many who struggle with trust, and a couple in particular right now.  After all, we all have people in our lives that let us down.  Those who have endured abuse have even more reason not to trust.  God is not human.  How often do we project human failings on Him, though?

We project the sins of the dad on the Father.  We blame Him for evil we bring upon ourselves.  We pout and blame when we don’t get our way.  We allow our trust to waver.

We also look at our own untrustworthy nature.   BUT:  God is, was, and always will be faithfuleven when we are unfaithful.  II Timothy 2:13

"Forgiveness" by Carlos Latuff.

“Forgiveness” by Carlos Latuff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

says, “If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.”

Thank you God that you are faithful, even when I am unfaithful.  When I struggle with trust, You hang in there with me and teach me to trust again.  I want to faithfully abide in You, and yet I am human.  Father, I choose trust.  I choose to love like I’ve never been hurt.  I choose to cling to you as the Vine, the Nurturer, the very Life Blood.  Bless your holy Name!

Do you abide in Him?  Do you have trust issues that need resolved?  Can you love like you’ve never been hurt?  Do you have anything to add?

 

Ten ways to love: Contentment with Gratitude

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Our 7th way of Loving is:  Enjoy without complaint.

“14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings:”   Philippians 2:14

 

►I love being with my family, but. . . .

►I would like working in the nursery, if. . . .

►This dessert is so good, but it would be better if you just put a little . . . .

 

The following were taken off of facebook statuses.  Sorry if I got any of you – actually these posts are from none of my known followers on this blog 🙂

 

Complaint Department Grenade

Complaint Department Grenade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Why can some people read in a moving vehicle and others can’t? Not fair!”      Do you complain that life is not fair?

“woke -up with a headache about 3 this morning, not a good way to begin a vacation.”  Do you let little things (or big things) mar things like vacations?  Some people don’t get vacations.

“Some people really try my patience & sometimes I think they do it on purpose!!”   “Really hate game playing :-(“   Do you let other people steal your joy?

“im so totally stressed out… Havent left the house in like two days because we have no car. Broke as h***. Im so misrible. Blah”  Some people don’t have a house; are you grateful for what you have, or do you focus on what you don’t have?

“Heading out the door for work….yuck..”  Not everyone has a job and many would be grateful to have a job, even one that wasn’t perfect.

 

Of course, we all feel this way at times.  We pursue perfection, but none of us will achieve it.

Complaint_Department_please_take_a_number

Complaint_Department_please_take_a_number (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point is to start looking at what you already have with a grateful heart and enjoy it.   As a person who can look at the tiny mar instead of the overall picture, I have to watch myself with this.  There’s always a way to make something “better” or “less worse” (grammarians – is that correct?), but why not just enjoy what is?

I can see this with my grandchildren (and with my kids).  They love the simple things, but I have a tendency to want to tweak something that doesn’t need tweaked.  Just hanging out is good.  They don’t really need (nor should I want to teach them that) entertained.  I’m learning, and I’ve cut way back, but still have a way to go.  Time together is premium and precious — no matter what.

When we love, we learn to enjoy without complaint.   Complaint is a form of saying “it’s not fair”.  It implies the complainer deserves better, and it makes the person appear ungrateful at best.  I imagine God even rolls His eyes at times as His children gripe about perceived unfairness.   The story of the Israelites wandering in the desert gives a great example.   If human’s were God, I don’t think they would be near as patient as He is.

 

Of course, I know my readers would never do this, so what are some ways you keep positive and grateful no matter what?

Count your blessings!!!!

 

 

Lessons in the Storm

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Every Summer, my oldest two granddaughters (and the other two, but they can do it during the school year too) get to stay ALONE with us for a week.  Any other time, the two girls are always together, so they need some Gma alone time.  Grandma loves it too – less need to discipline and more loving!!!  This week is my oldest granddaughter’s turn.

 

Storm Approaching Paradise - Coral Island, Phu...

Storm Approaching Paradise – Coral Island, Phuket, Thailand (Photo credit: Captain Kimo)

Friday evening, a storm blew through.  And I mean blew through.  My granddaughter and I were looking out our wall of windows, and the trees started tossing and bending all over.  Soon, a large part of one of our trees (a dead one we need to get rid of) landed in the front yard.  I personally adore storms, but my granddaughter is not a fan.  I took the opportunity to talk to her about storms and how the trees that bend in the wind were still standing.  These trees were still full of life and strength, but their branches went with the wind instead of resisting.

 

The dead trees had no life, no bend, nothing to hold on with, and they went down.  Actually another tree went down as well along with our neighbor’s new privacy fence.  My hubs was very glad that the trees are down.  He will have to cut them up for firewood, but he will not have to take them down.  The following are a much more detailed (deep) example of the things we (my granddaughter and I) talked about.

 

1.  When troubles storm your life, bend with the wind.  Don’t stand rigid and refuse to budge.  Change is inevitable.  Troubles are inevitable.  When we become inflexible and stubborn about life, it can take us down.  (Why me? Why NOT you?;  I don’t want to..)

 

2.  If you are a Christian, are you keeping close to the source?  Are you sucking up every drop of nourishment you can from the Living Waters?  When you remain supple through an intense relationship with the Root – Jesus – you can bend with any wind and remain strong and standing tall.  If you have stopped drawing from the Root, you may have dried up, back-slid, become apathetic, etc. about the things of God.  You, even with Christ as your Savior may still break if you don’t stay close to Him.

 

3.  If you are not a Christian, would you like to have a root system that will hold and sustain you through the storms?  Send me a private message at bryasy911@yahoo.com.

 

 

Did I mention we are without power?  Last night and today was spent without air-conditioning, lights, and all the other creature comforts I am so used to.  Over 100° temperatures haven’t helped.  This was a lesson for the gd in what life is like without all the conveniences we’re so used to (TV, internet, …).  She is not impressed.

 

When we do not stay close to the Power Source, we walk in darkness.  I, as most people, have had times where I was closer to God than other times.  Often the times of intense closeness happened during a life crisis.  When one of my children decided to check out some things (like a Satanic bible) in the senior year of high school, I had to engage in a fight for him.  I read books; I prayed; I quoted Scripture; I became so close to God I could feel His presence more strongly than at any time before or since.  I have not at any time needed God as much as I did then, even though there have been many hard times in my life.

 

I learned something through this.  I learned to battle for my children.  I learned to lean hard on God and not on Angie.  I learned the power of Scripture.  I learned much more than that, but for now, we’ll let that do.  When you have power in your life, it makes a world of difference.  You can continue to live in darkness, either as totally not connected to God through Salvation or as a follower who has slid into bad habits, or you can go to the light and let His power course through you.  It makes even more difference than the electricity in our homes.  It is an eternal difference.

 

The Granddaughter and I have also started working on teaching her about the Bible.  She loves to have me quiz her.  Today, we started making up index cards with the questions on one side and answers on the other, so she can study at home and we can concentrate our work.  I want my grandchildren to know about God and His works through the Bible.  While she’s willing to learn, I will do all I can to feed the need.

 

At some point, basics will not be enough, however.  I also talk to her about God (like the storm stuff) as we go through our day.  I point out God’s hand, and we talk about what it means to live for God, as well as practical ways to do so.  I want her (and the others) to have that Living Water and that Power in her life.

 

I don’t always know if I’ve said what I wanted to say, but I do my best, and I hope God will speak to you through the words you find here.

Ten ways to love: Be real

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Our 6th installment in the Ten ways to love series:

6.  Share without pretending.

Ephesians 4:15 –“15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

 

Hmmmmm, what does this mean?


This one is rather difficult.  I found others in my research who wondered about the connection between the statement and the chosen passage.

One response on yahoo answers:    Share without pretending means, Don’t pretend and do it because you actually want to. This is really what you desire to do. Not forceful desire but willingly desire. Without being a hypocrite or enforcing your pride or scam.

To that, I say, duh!  I mean, I agree.  This is an answer (and even the answer), but it doesn’t really tie in well with the passage.

 

A look at context

When you look at the context of the passage (see below), you find that Jesus is telling them to grow up in the Lord.  He tells them not to be like the Gentiles (unsaved), but to grow in Him, putting off the old man and being renewed in their mind.

 

The old man

I believe the passage, in saying speak the truth in love, is saying not to pretend to be what you’re not:  be truthful, be real, be a grown up in Christ.  When we share with others, do we do it for the right reasons?   Some people make donations for tax purposes or because it makes them look good.  While the charities they support appreciate the money, the motivation for the gift is questionable.  The donor pretends to be charitable, but it is not from the heart.

 

The new man

A person who has put off the old man, now has pure motives and gives in truth and without pretending.  He or she now gives because the love of Christ is present in his or her life.  I am not saying that people cannot be truly generous and sharing for the right reasons outside of God.  I am saying that a Christian who has matured in Christ will have a generous, sharing heart with no ulterior, hidden motives.  He or she will share without pretending, showing love, the love of Christ, generously and truthfully.

 

Secret Millionaire

As I type this, I am watching “Secret Millionaire”.  The Millionaire goes out incognito to check out various charities and then donates to them.  What we learn from this:

1.  When we share without pretending, we have to get out there, get in there, and get our feet wet.  There’s nothing wrong with charity from a distance, but if it’s possible to get in there and get to know people and help people, that is sharing without pretending.

2.  When we share without pretending, it makes a huge difference in the lives of those we share with.  Money is great, but when we share more — our talents, Christ’s love, everything we are — we touch people’s lives in ways we can’t even imagine, and we touch them for eternity.

 

►OK, that was my attempt at this one.  What do you think?  Can you find further answers in this passage? What about other ways to give without pretending?  I am open to hearing your thoughts on the subject.  Maybe one of you can clarify the connection for us. 🙂 

 

Ephesians 4:13-24:

“. . . 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, . . . 20 But ye have not so learned Christ;

21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:

22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”

Ten ways to Love: Yeah, but…

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Our 5th installment of Ten ways to love is to:  Answer without arguing. 

Proverbs 17:1  Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.  (KJV)

The Message puts it this way:  1 A meal of bread and water in contented peace is better than a banquet spiced with quarrels.

 

Argument

Argument (Photo credit: andrewmalone)

Anyone who has ever lived with an argumentative person knows exactly how true that statement is.   Have you ever known someone who couldn’t just give a simple answer?  They always have a “yeah, but…” or some other reply explaining why they are ‘special’ and your premise is wrong.  I think all of us answer with an argument at times, but the person who consistently does this is not saying, “I love you.”  They might be saying, “I’m better than you” or “I know better than you”, but not “I love you.”   I find that many of those who make this a consistent habit have no clue what they do to others.  In their mind, they really are special, know better, or simply want to make sense of the question.

English: Northern Mockingbird juveniles at a b...

English: Northern Mockingbird juveniles at a bird bath in Austin, Texas. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How do you help someone who has no clue?         I don’t know.  That’s a rhetorical question 🙂  If you have the answer, let me know!

 

Since we already know we can’t help others, we can only look at ourselves.  Do we answer with an argument or do we listen and answer without arguing?  Human beings have this unique ability.  It’s called justification.  AND–it works best when pointed at our own behavior.  I of course, never have an issue with this. . . . . ;]  but just in case someone out there does. . . .

 

Anyway, back to the topic.

I have way too many people a person in my life who cannot simply answer a question without argument, and it drives me to distraction at times.  I call her on it, but she comes back with more argument.  This leads to more drama, which leads to anything but a feeling of ‘love’.   Responses often contain “Yeah, but”, “Well, I”, “You don’t”, and “I didn’t mean to” to name a few.   I have to admit I don’t always respond well to this.  Frustration probably tops the list of emotions that pop up.  How do you communicate with someone who doesn’t really hear you?  Instead of hearing what’s said, the arguer hears something they must take exception to.  I guess it’s a form of defensiveness.  I don’t know.  I just know neither party winds up feeling very good afterwards.  Neither person feels very loved or listened to either.

 

A very simplistic example of this:  

Adult:  “Go to bed.”   Child:  “But, I’m not tired!”

Adult:  “Go to bed.”   Child:  “I can’t sleep if I’m not tired.”

Adult:  “Go to bed.”   Child:  “Well, sissy doesn’t have to go to bed now.”

Adult:  “Go to bed.”   Child:  “Can I have a drink.”

and so on.        Can anyone say distraction technique?

The major theme in this scenario is:   “I don’t have to do what you tell me because…..”

 

Pride.  Is pride at the base of the argument.  I think I could argue that it is (tongue in cheek).   Pride and love, real love, do not go together.  In fact, they are diametrically opposed, and offering argument instead of answers says, “I don’t have to” or “I know better” or, well, you get the point.

 

Now for the Vertical

Maybe you never argue instead of answering others.   But how about God?   Do you question Him when He asks you to do something?  Do you have some reason why the commands (already given in the Bible) are for someone else and not you?  After all, you’re not very good at that, or you don’t have time for that, or ….    I don’t think we mean to argue with God, but too often, we do.  We can show Him love by obeying Him without arguing.

 

Sometimes, whether vertical or horizontal, it takes a lot of hard knocks time and maturity to learn how to answer without arguing.

 

What do you think?   Do you know someone like this, and if so, how do you deal with it?  Have you changed this about yourself?  Any tips for doing so?  My posts are often quests, because I don’t know it all.  I’m always interested in how others deal with various aspects of communication, so I hope you’ll share if you have something to say. 🙂

 

 

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