Home

That sounds like a you problem

6 Comments

“Sounds like a you problem.”  –Tim Young

.

I borrowed this phrase from my middle son.  Did I mention I used to be an enabler?  Hmmmm, well, I was.   People just had to look like they needed something (especially in an emotional/psychological way) and Angie was right there.  They didn’t even have to ask.  I have since reformed after a major crash of a symbiotic relationship with a friend went horribly wrong.  I learned something.  People need to take responsibility for their own problems.  That doesn’t mean I can’t help them.  It means I choose when, where, and how I do so.  I don’t put myself and others at risk to jump to the rescue when the person needs to learn how to rescue him/herself.  Painfully, I realized that taking on other people’s problems wasn’t good for either of us.  Quitting was difficult as well, especially for those used to having me say yes all the time.  But, they got over it and so did I.

.

Feel free to use the phrase, because it works very well at deflecting those who want to make  their problem yours.  My grandchildren hear this phrase a lot.  One granddaughter likes to hang off me and say, “I’m bored!”  I say, “Sounds like a you problem.”   I may suggest some things she can do, but my point is to teach her how to entertain herself.  “I’m not the entertainment committee.” works here too.  It’s amazing how life changes when you allow other people to have their ‘you problem’ without making it a ‘me problem’.

.

Have you ever taken on someone else’s problem either by helping them too much or by worrying about them?  Do you try to get others to take on your problems?  Do you get angry when they don’t?  Do you recognize the dangers of enabling?

.

Then, a week or so ago, I was in prayer mode.   Thinking about someone else and praying for their issues, thinking about something they do that bothers me.  Then, I hear this (inaudible) voice saying, “Sounds like a you problem.”  Hmmmmmmmm.   OK, God, I get it.   The other person didn’t have a problem, I did.  I wanted to make it that person’s problem because that would put all the ‘happy place’ back into my life.  However, just because something bothers me does not make it a problem for others.   I hate it when God uses my own words to smack me up side the head and make me take a hard look at myself.  I’m so glad He does it though.

.

Do you try to make your issues into other people’s problems?  “I would never….” “If only they’d….”  “They need to keep their child in check….”  That’s not how you do it…..”  Have these or other similar words ever crossed your mind or your lips?  Can you recognize the difference between a YOU problem and a ME problem?   How do you set boundaries between you and me problems?  Do you allow yourself to be guilted into saying yes?

Time with Grandma!

12 Comments

Grandma and her Rissaroo ♥

We’re going light today.  This is week three in the go-to-grandma’s-alone-for-a-week saga.  I love this one-on-one time!  Well, I love it most of the time.  You wouldn’t think it would be so exhausting.

Week 1:  Marilyn, age 2.

Week 2:  Kerstin, age 10

Week 3:  Klarissa, age 8

Week 4:  Roland, age 4

♥♥♥♥♥♥

So far, Klarissa has made >20 necklaces, bracelets or rings.  Most of them are with yarn and straw

Chevron bead and Indian glass bead strings

Chevron bead and Indian glass bead strings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

beads, but still.  If the kids had their way, they would go through every craft item I own in 3 days.  This week, Klar, who is now old enough, is learning how to “create” instead of slapping a paper full of items she likes.  She’s not happy with the concept, but she’s doing well so far.  Grandma is VERY anal about my craft stuff.  She spends hours cutting pictures out of magazines and gathering various other components.  That equates to hours for  a few minutes of joy.  Is it worth it?  You betcha!

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Hello Kitty (TV series)

Hello Kitty (TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today, Klar let me sleep in a bit.  We then made some items with my “real” beads.  Next Fiesta Brava for lunch.  This is the favorite restaurant of all time for both of my oldest grandchildren.  Why?  Who knows, but Gma likes it too, so we’re good.  She chose Fiesta Brava over McDonalds and the play land!!!  Then we took off to shop at Joanne’s Fabrics.  We spent an hour ‘shopping’.  We didn’t buy much and I thought maybe she wasn’t having a good time, but we got in the car and she said, “That was fuuuuuuuun!”   Ok, Grandma, quit assuming and just be!

♥♥♥♥♥♥

We got a Hello Kitty fleece for her “Gma’s house” blanket.  I tried to talk her into something else, because this will be her forever blanket.  She insists she will never stop loving Hello Kitty 😀  She does have some competition with the 2 yo, however.  We also got stuff from the dollar bin to keep her busy for the evening so I can do some things????  We’ll see.  Not looking good so far.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Ok, back to that highlighted phrase up there.   Why do I have so much trouble just being and just letting things be?  I think it’s about people pleasing.  I do like to make people happy, but at times I set myself up because no one can maintain that forever.  I am learning slowly.  I tell the gks that I am not the entertainment committee.  I do plan to do things with them, but I don’t have to be paying attention to them every minute of every day.  This is true even on their alone week.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I want to teach them how to entertain themselves.  I also want to teach them about boundaries.  The red head (Klar) has a habit of coming up to me and

Things the Grandchildren Should Know

Things the Grandchildren Should Know (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

dancing and singing for me without waiting to see if I want to do that at the moment or not.  It doesn’t work out well for her because I am trying to teach her to ask people instead of telling them what to do or what she is going to do.  As I type this, she has not stopped talking to me.  I have not once answered her or even looked up, but she keeps right on going.  She has fixed me food, danced and just talked (her nickname is jabber jaws).  Not sure what that’s all about, but it’s not something that will make her life easier for her in the long run.  She’s much better at entertaining herself than most of her siblings, but she’s also very bossy.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I took a break to get her to find something else to do.  It’s really hard to write with other words pouring over me at the same time as mine are trying to form coherent sentences and ideas.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

My grandchildren are not the only ones who behave this way.  Remember when children were seen and not heard?  That was a long time ago.  Now children seem to often be the center of the world.  A product of the self-esteem movement?   Probably that and more.  It makes me sad, however, because these children are in for a world of hurt when they get into the big bad world and find out it’s not all about them any more.  Then they whine.  Oh yes they do!!!   I don’t want to work those hours (or I don’t want to work at all).  I can’t afford food (as they pull their cell phone out of their pocket….)   TV, Computer, electronics ad nauseum are necessities.    You get the point.  I’m sure you have come across this.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

That’s one reason I try so hard to invest into the lives of my grandchildren (and others).  I want them to learn these lessons now, before it’s too late.  I have a great time with them during their week, but it’s about so much more than that.  This time with them gives me an opportunity to mold them and teach them, as I love them.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I’m sorry if this seems a bit random; it is.  It is me thinking ‘aloud’.  And sometimes, that’s OK.  So back I go to my overarching purpose:  planting seeds into my grandchildren.

What do you think?

If It Were All Up To Me

6 Comments

Hello!  I have been ill, but I think I might live.  While cleaning today, I found a Parent Newsletter from 2002 from my daughter’s school.  On the front was a poem by one of her classmates.  After sending a copy to her via facebook, I decided I would like to share this with you, my dear readers, as well.  I hope you enjoy it.  As an Idealist, it sounds like Heaven to me 🙂

 

If It Were All Up To Me

If only life was fun and games,

And never could there be any pain.

No violence of any kind,

Nothing like what happened at Columbine.

No knives, no guns, no dirty look,

No terrorists; the lives they took.

No thieves, no drunks, no robbers or crooks,

No spells that might have come from a book.

And there would be not one disease,

And not one person would ever leave.

No one would commit suicide,

And we would admit if we stole or lied.

There would be enough money to go around

Therefore, no one would sleep on the ground.

There would be no name calling allowed,

Therefore, everyone could stand proud.

Animals would be taken care of,

With food, a friend, and lots of love.

There wouldn’t be any stress,

No crying, no sighing, no being depressed.

And this is how the world would be,

If it were all up to me!!

Courtney B. Eichholtz

Grade 7

We know the world doesn’t look like this because there is sin in the world, but Christians should do their best to not contribute to the sin problem in our world.  And, it never hurts to dreeam, so . . .

What would the world look like if it were up to you?

Spring into tag

19 Comments

Recently tagged in a fun little cyber game going around the blogosphere, I have decided to play in the interest of lightning things up a bit.  After all, Spring has arrived, and what better time to go out and blow the cobwebs out by having a little fun?

I was tagged by fiztrainer over at serendipity Plus. I hope you’ll hop over and take a look at her blog too.

The Rules:

  1. Tagged Bloggers should post the rules.
  2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you in their post and then create ten new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
  3. Tag ten people and link to them on your post.
  4. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

So, here’s my questions (and answers):

  • Would you rather vacation at the BEACH or somewhere COLD? Vacation, what’s a vacation?  Ok, I guess I would rather be wherever my family is, but it would be nice if we could all go to the beach 🙂
  • What was your most embarrassing moment?  There have been so many!  Hmmmmm.  Once upon a time, at my old house, long, long ago, we were redoing our back porch.  The porch was missing (except for posts and sundry items like concrete steps from a previous owner).  The story finds me in the back yard, standing where the porch would be if it existed.  My son was standing at the back door (up quite a few feet) talking to me.   The neighbors’ son pulled into our shared driveway and parked in the back.  Did I mention I had a bit of a crush on said son many moons before?  Anyway, as they were getting out of the car, I went to step backward.  Behind me was a large trashcan.  Yup, I landed on my behind, spread eagle, legs sticking up in the air, trashcan crushed beneath me.  The neighbor’s son and his wife came running over trying to help me get up.  Did I mention that I am a large woman and that both my sons were now standing by splitting a gut?  I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but I still have nightmares flashes of embarrassment from this episode.
  • Have you ever traveled outside the country? If so, where? I have been to Canada twice, but otherwise have stayed on the east side of the Mississippi.
  • Do you prefer DOGS or CATS?  I prefer neither, but if I have to choose, I will pick a cat.  Dogs tend toward over friendliness, messes and foul odors.
  • What is at the top of your BUCKET LIST to do?  Write a book.  Hmmm, did that surprise anyone?
  • Are you an EARLY BIRD or NIGHT OWL?  I am definitely a night owl!  At my worst, my husband and I will pass each other as I head to bed and he heads to work (oops!).
  • What was your PROUDEST moment?  I would like to say the day I graduated with my Master’s Degree, but I would have to say my proudest moments happened at the birth of each of my three children.  I’m not sure why exactly, even though it was hard work.  I guess I was just proud to be Mommy to three such blessings.  {Yes, that’s what I’m calling them, and I’m sticking to it!}
  • Do you prefer COMEDIES or SUSPENSE?  I prefer, oh poo, I can’t pick one.  It really depends on my mood.  I love a good comedy, but I also love suspense.  I am more likely to read suspense, however.
  • Who was the most INFLUENTIAL person in your life?  Such hard questions!  I would have to say the most influential person in my life award goes to my Mother.  She was a good woman with a big heart, and I miss her dearly.  Both my parents had a good influence on me for different reasons, but she wins by a hair or two (sorry Dad).  My grandmother was also highly influential in my life.
  • How do you spell R-E-L-I-E-F (in other words, what do you do to relax)? I find writing relaxing, especially blog writing.  It releases endorphins and gives me a mode of expression I seldom get in “real life”.

10 New Questions (or statements) for the Tagees

  • Describe a turning point moment in your life.  Why was it a turning point?
  • Is your favorite blog to read funny, serious, a mixture of both, or something else?
  • What accomplishment are you most proud of?
  • Are you a thinker or a doer?
  • Name someone who have influenced your life.
  • Do you have a charity that is near and dear to your heart?
  • Have you ever played hookey from your responsibilities?  What happened?  Did you get caught?
  • What is one piece of wisdom you’d like to pass on to the next generation?
  • What’s your favorite stupid joke?
  • Why do you write?  (Think purpose, feelings or whatever)

Now comes the hard part – picking 10 people.  Girding up loins, getting out my super picker (no not nose picker)… [feel free to decline 🙂 ]

Tag!  You’re it!

::Running gleefully away, leaving behind a trail of giggles floating through the air::  😀

%d bloggers like this: