frustration.

frustration. (Photo credit: nicole.pierce.photography ♥)

Yesterday, I shared a poem about surrender.  It was really about seeking control instead of surrendering control.  Last week, I had an “aha” moment.  Those who know my dad has been in a rehab center till recently to recover with a busted hip, and has been home almost a month now, also know that he is a very, very, very stubborn man–always has been and probably always will be.  Because of the hip replacement and the fact that he’s been wobbly long before that, he has some safety rules he needs to follow if he doesn’t want to fall or have the hip pop out, requiring more surgery.

♥dad♥

I love my dad dearly, and maybe that’s part of the problem.  When he does stupid things, and he always does, I get so frustrated with him.  He is a ‘lone ranger’ who does not like to ask for help.  This gets him in a lot of trouble.  Mom was his best manager, but she’s gone, so it’s up to the sis and I.  It would take a lot more room to go into the lifelong frustration, so I’ll leave it at that.

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

♥dad♥

Last week he took a shower with no one there.  This is an obvious no no, but he took the opportunity while the sis and I were both gone (did I mention I don’t live there – I live 2 1/2 hrs away and have to go home occasionally to see my husband).  He did ok (uh oh, now he thinks he has super powers), but if anything had happened . . . .   The sis called to tell me what shenanegans he had been up to, and I lost it big time.  I was filled with rage and frustration.  I took it to God and spent a while in prayer (and tears).  This is what God told me:

I.    ►You are feeling out-of-control when your dad doesn’t ‘obey’.  You are allowing your fear of another incident cause you to stress out over something you have no control over.

II.   ►You are not in control of your Dad.  I am.

III. ►If he gets hurt again because of doing stupid stubborn things, it is not your fault.

♥dad♥

God then had me write a letter to my dad expressing my frustration and anger, letting go of the need to control the uncontrollable, that would never be sent.  This isn’t about my dad.  It’s all about me and how I react.

♥dad♥

Anger Management

Anger Management (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After my time dealing with this grief, I feel so free.  I let go of control.  I let go of guilt. I let go of the possibility of another horrific outcome.  I let go.  Unlike the woman in the poem, I did let go.  And, as I did, I began to rise to the top of the sea of emotions I almost drowned in.  I was transformed!

♥dad♥

It amazes me how often we try to control what is uncontrollable – not our job!  We will revisit this subject again soon, but for now I wanted to tell you about the experience.  I have also been able to help the sis let go.  We can only do what we can do, and that’s all we are responsible for.

♥dad♥

Yesterday, my dad was doing his usual things, and I felt the anger and frustration rising.  Then I remembered, took a deep breath, relaxed and let go.  AMAZING!  My dad will do what my dad will do.  He claims he can only surrender so much (to which I say hmmmm).  But I will no longer have to seek control or take responsibility for his actions.  Now I can let go and float above that sea.

♥dad♥

How about you?  Do you try to control people, things, events, that you really have no control over?  Do you stress yourself out over situations, even though you know you really have no say in?  Do you find yourself angry and frustrated at times, and if so, have you looked at the source to see if it is about control (lack-of-control) issues? 

♥dad♥

I hope if you do find these issues in yourself, you will learn to let go.  Writing a letter that will never be sent is a good way to burn out that rage and get your feelings out without damaging relationships.  I had to grieve the dad I wanted so I could accept the dad I have.

 

 

 

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