As Mother’s Day approaches, I and I suspect most mothers, goes through the annual guilt-fest hearing about the perfect mom from every corner. Then on the day, many preachers use the Proverbs 31 woman to (unintentionally) club already guilt-filled Moms to death as they seldom see themselves that way. Today, I started down the slippery slope. I am certainly not a traditional mom, although I did all the day to day cooking until my oldest graduated and I went back to school. The list of my ‘failures’ is long. I am a human after all. However, after asking my friend to pray for me that I would not go down this path, God began to speak to me.
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The dialogue went something like this:
Me: “I can’t meet the standard of “the” mom I keep hearing about. She does everything and everyone depends on her to keep their life going.”
God: “What about all the reading you did to your children?”
Me: “Well, yeah, I did that, but…”
God: “What about all those trips where you tirelessly entertained and sang to fussy children? What about all those questions you answered so patiently (well mostly)?”
Me: “Well, yeah, I did that, but they don’t even remember it!”
God: “Yes they do. Somewhere inside them is that memory as an attachment to you. What about how often you worked with them in their school work and tried to help them learn when it was difficult?”
Me: “Well, um,….”
God: “What about all that love you lavished on your children? What about all the fun you brought to their daily life? What about how you took care of their needs? What about how you taught them about Me?”
Me: “Oh, well, I guess when you look at it that way, I had more good than bad.”
God: “Exactly! I gave you to your children as Mom. I gave you the gifts you used to nurture them. I did not make you like everyone else, and I really don’t like hearing you bash yourself like that. Neither do your children. It’s time to let it go and accept yourself as you are. Satan magnifies your faults in order to keep you from being the Mom I called you to be. . . . Remember, Princess, I created you, and I love everything I put into you. Your kids appreciate you too. Now it’s your turn.”
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A pastor once preached the Proverbs 31 passage, but went beyond the traditional view. He applied the principles so that people who didn’t fit the traditional pattern (and those who did) could see themselves in this woman. In a discussion with my family after church, (I hadn’t really gotten it yet) my husband said, “I can’t believe you don’t see yourself in that!” My husband and children proceeded to tell me how they saw that in me. What a wonderful gift.
Then a few months ago, I was talking to my daughter, and she said, “You are a great mom!” The lightbulb went off. Oh! Just because I have flaws and messed up some things doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom! The flaws do not negate my parenting. One or two points or events do not negate the good mom status. Even those events are often viewed through my lens of “I wish I had done….”
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So, I choose to look at my job as a whole and no longer pick it apart with enemy-enduced guilt. If you struggle with this or have a mom that does, I hope you can stop guilting yourself and accept yourself as you are — your kids do! (Well most do.)
Fathers can fall victim to this ‘viewing life through guilt-colored glasses’ as well as Moms and those who are neither. Why is it we tend to remember bad things more than the good? Why do we drag ourselves down by looking at the negatives instead of rejoicing in the positives?
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What about you? Do you ever struggle with this issue? How do you deal with it? Do you think your kids would agree with you or would they tell you you’re a great mom/dad? Can you forgive yourself for any mistakes and go forward accepting yourself as God created you? What characteristics do you think a “great mom” has? It’s about more than who cooks/cleans/works outside the home/etc.
My mother made mistakes. Of course she did. BUT to me, she was the best mom ever, and I wouldn’t change one thing about her. She has been gone for 7 years now, and I can’t wait to celebrate her mothering again at the great reunion. I love you Marilyn Koser Masters with all my heart. You are sadly missed. See you in the morning 🙂
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Related articles
- Justin Bieber Releases “Turn To You” For Mother’s Day (now100fm.cbslocal.com)
- Best Mother’s Day Ever – 12 real moms share their fondest memories (theinsider.retailmenot.com)
- The Virtuous Mother (lucygracesmom.wordpress.com)
Freedomborn
May 11, 2012 @ 21:29:49
So True Angie, a Mothers heart is a Mothers heart and holds a lot of Love. I hope you don’t mind if I link your message to my Mothers Day Power Point, it was a wonderful encouragement to remember that God sees our heart motivation, even if we see our weaknesses and shortcomings. Just as we are not to judge these in others we are not to judge our own, but to seek to understand them with Love and compassion. Yes sin must be rebuked and repented of and if we Love and care for others regardless of who they are we won’t want them to suffer but our faults and weakness or warts as some call them, we all have and perhaps I have more then most, so should I consider others not worthy of my Love and attention …. never.
I have been in a Mother’s role to many Children over the years, my own 7 little ones are in Heaven and one day we will be reunited but I give thanks for all the Children’s hugs I have received, not just in actions but in words too.
Christian Love Anne.
ansuyo
May 11, 2012 @ 22:29:54
Feel free to link it. I’m sorry you don’t have your little ones, but I’m glad God has given you other little ones to love. I probably should have included a part about mothers who do not have children or have lost them, but that’s not what this one was about. Mothering someone requires much more than giving birth to them. Can’t wait to see your power point 🙂
Freedomborn
May 11, 2012 @ 23:08:20
Thanks Angie, I’m sorry but I mixed up the links, got the right one in the end my link is… http://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/a-mothers-love/ I have also linked it to Kingdom’s Garden too.
Thanks again – Anne
Derek Mansker
May 11, 2012 @ 23:25:40
There is a lot of really helpful points here, I think. Mothers are so much more successful because of their imperfections. How many of us could relate to a perfect mom? I think it is important to be the best you that you can be to all people, whether they are your own kids or not. For me, I do the best I can with my kids. Do I mess up? Yes, but it is in those times when I can remind my kids that I need a Savior also.
ansuyo
May 12, 2012 @ 01:30:52
True. It’s taken me too long to learn this. They weren’t perfect kids either lol.
Barb
May 12, 2012 @ 04:04:01
Hearing the phrase, “I called you to be their Mom,” echoed within me. I’d always thought of my children as God’s gift to me. I’d never turned it around and considered that I was specially chosen for them. Beautiful. Beautiful. Thanks for words that pierce the heart.
ansuyo
May 12, 2012 @ 11:08:39
Thank you Barb. I’m glad you found something here. Sometimes we get so focused on the gift of our children that we forget we were given to them as well. 🙂 Angie
suehelms
May 12, 2012 @ 09:31:17
Angie, I agree with you. Many people can tell me that I am a good mom, even my husband Grant,but it does not sink in. When one of your children just ups and says it when you are talking to them. That is when it clicks in to your brain. Out of the mouths of babes.That is when you know you must have done a good job.
Happy Mother’s Day Angie. Thank you for writing on mother’s.
ansuyo
May 12, 2012 @ 11:11:13
Thank you Sue. Out of the mouths of babes indeed!!! My daughter may never know how much that moment meant to me, but it was definately an ‘aha’ moment. My middle child once told me to “stop it” (apologizing for mistakes) because it hurts him that I don’t understand how much he loves me. Oops. I did stop it (at least talking about it lol). Thanks for stopping by Sue 🙂 Angie
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Red
May 13, 2012 @ 01:05:21
When you look at the job you do as a parent, you cannot keep score. The best judge of parenting is the product: happy children. It requires patience. And memory. Getting them through teenagerhood and into adulthood can pickle your brain, but when they become well-rounded (and sometimes flat on one side) adults and have children of their own, you know you did it right.
Happy Mother’s Day, Angie.
Red.
ansuyo
May 13, 2012 @ 07:54:46
AND you get to laugh as their own antics come back to bite them (sometimes literally). The best revenge…..? Thank you Anne Marie and Happy Mother’s Day!
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